I stayed up all night to watch the sun come up, the light spilling across the sky as though some celestial elbow had knocked into the sun, tipping it over. It was pretty and calming; I contemplated it while I ate oatmeal with banana slices. By the time I got to my eight am class, … Continue reading »
My body image is terrible today; I feel awful about myself and my appearance, like I’m some sort of frumpy, pudgy lump o’ shit. Couple that with returning to the environment where I had been the most active in my behaviors, the ground zero of my eating disorder.. oy. Not a good mix. Today I … Continue reading »
Day 14 – Think about yourself one year ago. How have you changed? A year ago I had just started my recovery journey. I was struggling a little more than I am now, and was still using drugs, alcohol, and sex as an escape from the turbulence I was feeling inside. Now, I’ve learned better … Continue reading »
Are you familiar with Sisyphus? He’s the man from Greek mythology condemned by the gods to roll a giant boulder uphill, except as soon as he would reach the summit, the boulder would roll back down. He had to start again – and it would fall again – and he was left to repeat this task … Continue reading »
My therapist wants me to start keeping a food journal again, to track my patterns of restricting and binge eating. I’ve been slipping recently.. not consciously (or at least not that I’m willing to admit), but slipping nonetheless. My body image and self esteem have taken huge dips recently and I suppose it’s triggered some … Continue reading »
I read an article on the Los Angeles Times today with the headline “Experts see hopeful signs on eating disorders.” Underneath, in smaller print, it said, “Patients are being treated earlier, spending less time in the hospital and recovering faster, many healthcare experts say.” As much as I’d like to believe that’s true, I just … Continue reading »
I’ve lost weight. I haven’t weighed myself in months (still don’t own a scale) but I know my body and it’s been changing: my stomach is getting smaller, there’s the teeniest of gaps between my thighs, and my ribs are bucking against my skin. That old intoxicating thrill is bubbling up inside me, and it’s threatening to … Continue reading »
One of my friends from treatment is relapsing hard and it’s tearing me apart for a couple of reasons. I’m a little sad and disappointed because this girl is still young and has time to turn things around before any more damage is done to her body. I’m frustrated, because she’s been in treatment numerous … Continue reading »
