Sunday was the Baltimore NEDA Walk, where I walked with a group of women from treatment as well as a couple of my family members; we called ourselves StrongHer. I couldn’t be more proud of my team – we raised over $3,600 for NEDA, making us the top team in fundraising. The girls (and my … Continue reading »
My body image is terrible today; I feel awful about myself and my appearance, like I’m some sort of frumpy, pudgy lump o’ shit. Couple that with returning to the environment where I had been the most active in my behaviors, the ground zero of my eating disorder.. oy. Not a good mix. Today I … Continue reading »
I called my mom tonight because I was feeling pretty lousy, and she dropped some wisdom on me: “You have the power to release the eating disorder. To demand it to leave. You are strong, and you’re acting like you’re not strong because you don’t believe you are … you are not this disease. You … Continue reading »
It’s official – I’m discharging from the partial hospitalization program (PHP) on Tuesday and transitioning into the intensive outpatient program (IOP) on Wednesday! I’m looking forward to the change because IOP will give me a little more independence than PHP: instead of being on a locked unit twelve hours a day, seven days a week, … Continue reading »
I had the day off from the unit last Sunday and it was hard in a staring-at-my-plate, blinking-back-tears kind of way. It was my second day off (the first being Thursday a few days before) and it didn’t go very well. I didn’t plan my meals ahead of time, which resulted in a lot of … Continue reading »
“You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.” – Rabindranath Tagore For me, the sea is my eating disorder, treatment is my vessel, and the opposite shore is a recovered mind. I’ve been struggling a lot recently, treading water and getting tired. It’s a riptide, this disordered thinking; it sneaks … Continue reading »
Day 14 – Think about yourself one year ago. How have you changed? A year ago I had just started my recovery journey. I was struggling a little more than I am now, and was still using drugs, alcohol, and sex as an escape from the turbulence I was feeling inside. Now, I’ve learned better … Continue reading »
Day 11 - What motivated you to enter recovery? At first, it was guilt. I saw how my eating disorder was affecting my family and it tore me apart: I loved them, but I also loved my eating disorder. It shouldn’t have been a difficult choice but it was. When I saw how upset and scared … Continue reading »
