“I’m so lonesome,” my heart wails, beating tiny fists against its valves. “I just want somebody to love!” “Love when you’re ready,” my brain calls down my spine. “Not when you’re lonely.” “But I’m ready now,” my heart sniffs, sinking into my rib cage with a huff. It idly kicks at another organ before growing bored, resigning itself … Continue reading »
It’s 3 am and I can’t sleep; instead I lie here, thinking about persons I’ve loved or at least pretended to, persons who have told me they loved me to which I laughed incredulously in reply (who could love me?). I’m lonely and introspective – a bad combination when lying in the dark at three … Continue reading »
I’ve struggled these past couple weeks, so my therapist challenged me to write an encouraging letter to myself. What seemed kind of silly at first turned out to be a helpful exercise. It’s hard to say these things – nice things – to myself, although that’s who I’ve needed to hear them from the most. … Continue reading »
“You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.” – Rabindranath Tagore For me, the sea is my eating disorder, treatment is my vessel, and the opposite shore is a recovered mind. I’ve been struggling a lot recently, treading water and getting tired. It’s a riptide, this disordered thinking; it sneaks … Continue reading »
Day 14 – Think about yourself one year ago. How have you changed? A year ago I had just started my recovery journey. I was struggling a little more than I am now, and was still using drugs, alcohol, and sex as an escape from the turbulence I was feeling inside. Now, I’ve learned better … Continue reading »
Last night’s post was written while I was in a high emotional state, so I wasn’t really thinking about how it portrayed my parents. Yesterday triggered a fight or flight response within me, and I panicked. But truth is, I’m incredibly lucky to have them. They do sooo much for me – more than I … Continue reading »
Day 10 - List 5 goals you have for yourself, short-term or long-term. Short Term Eat healthily and begin working out regularly. Be happy with where I am, for me, now. Keep up with my therapy appointments. Long Term 4. Maintain the goal weight range that the hospital had set for me. 5. Love and cherish … Continue reading »
Day 4 - Have you harmed anyone (besides yourself) with your addiction/disorder? If so, how? What have you done (or plan on) to make amends? I’ve hurt a lot of people with my eating disorder, but my family was hit the hardest. When it had begun around my freshman or sophomore year of high school, they … Continue reading »
