Funks happen. And if you suffer from depression or another mental illness, funks may happen more often than not. They can be debilitating, defeating, and overwhelming, making it seem as though life will forever remain an exhausting, dull wasteland of efforts you cannot make. Funks suck. But! – they don’t have to last forever. In fact, … Continue reading »
Hooray, my sister and I turn twenty-two today! Twenty-two feels like a grown-up birthday. It’s not like twenty-one, where it was blurry and everyone handed me drinks, and I puked up wine and kissed my boyfriend’s neighbor. Twenty-two is a quiet birthday, an acknowledgment that I’m still here and I’m getting older despite my heels … Continue reading »
I feel all sorts of buzzing inside my body, under my skin, vibrating my bones. It’s a good buzz; I am feeling it and feeling things are good. I have an overwhelming feeling of contentedness. I am okay, having accepted this happy buzzing. Although- there is a dark undertow of cravings and underlying urges that tug at … Continue reading »
Day 18 - Have you found a Higher Power? If so, what is it? Explain how it has helped you with your recovery. A lot of times I feel as though I don’t believe in anything but myself (and sometimes I don’t even have that) although lately I’ve felt taken care of. I don’t consider myself … Continue reading »
My body image is terrible today; I feel awful about myself and my appearance, like I’m some sort of frumpy, pudgy lump o’ shit. Couple that with returning to the environment where I had been the most active in my behaviors, the ground zero of my eating disorder.. oy. Not a good mix. Today I … Continue reading »
I’ve struggled these past couple weeks, so my therapist challenged me to write an encouraging letter to myself. What seemed kind of silly at first turned out to be a helpful exercise. It’s hard to say these things – nice things – to myself, although that’s who I’ve needed to hear them from the most. … Continue reading »
I had the day off from the unit last Sunday and it was hard in a staring-at-my-plate, blinking-back-tears kind of way. It was my second day off (the first being Thursday a few days before) and it didn’t go very well. I didn’t plan my meals ahead of time, which resulted in a lot of … Continue reading »
My mantra lately is this: Don’t let the mind bully the body. When I find myself pinching and squeezing at what I perceive to be fat: Don’t let the mind bully the body. When I feel the urge to act on symptoms of my eating disorder or to self-harm: Don’t let the mind bully the body. When I berate myself … Continue reading »
