Today has been one of those days where I wish I were invisible. Walking to class this morning, I kept my eyes down, not bearing to look in the faces of Everyone Else, the Ones Better Off. I wanted to apologize for my appearance, for being the way that I am. I wouldn’t have gone … Continue reading »
Sunday was the Baltimore NEDA Walk, where I walked with a group of women from treatment as well as a couple of my family members; we called ourselves StrongHer. I couldn’t be more proud of my team – we raised over $3,600 for NEDA, making us the top team in fundraising. The girls (and my … Continue reading »
I stayed up all night to watch the sun come up, the light spilling across the sky as though some celestial elbow had knocked into the sun, tipping it over. It was pretty and calming; I contemplated it while I ate oatmeal with banana slices. By the time I got to my eight am class, … Continue reading »
My body image is terrible today; I feel awful about myself and my appearance, like I’m some sort of frumpy, pudgy lump o’ shit. Couple that with returning to the environment where I had been the most active in my behaviors, the ground zero of my eating disorder.. oy. Not a good mix. Today I … Continue reading »
The other night my friend and I drove around listening to the song “Hurricane Drunk” by Florence and the Machine: I brace myself cos I know it’s going to hurt, but I like to think at least things can’t get any worse.. “I love this song, it’s very much how I feel right now,” my friend said, … Continue reading »
As many as 24 million Americans struggle with eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, and EDNOS – eating disorder not other specified). In spite of the unprecedented growth in the past two decades, eating disorders research continues to be under-funded, insurance coverage for treatment is inadequate, and societal pressures to be thin remain rampant. -National Eating Disorders … Continue reading »
It’s official – I’m discharging from the partial hospitalization program (PHP) on Tuesday and transitioning into the intensive outpatient program (IOP) on Wednesday! I’m looking forward to the change because IOP will give me a little more independence than PHP: instead of being on a locked unit twelve hours a day, seven days a week, … Continue reading »
I’ve struggled these past couple weeks, so my therapist challenged me to write an encouraging letter to myself. What seemed kind of silly at first turned out to be a helpful exercise. It’s hard to say these things – nice things – to myself, although that’s who I’ve needed to hear them from the most. … Continue reading »
