Funks happen. And if you suffer from depression or another mental illness, funks may happen more often than not. They can be debilitating, defeating, and overwhelming, making it seem as though life will forever remain an exhausting, dull wasteland of efforts you cannot make. Funks suck. But! – they don’t have to last forever. In fact, … Continue reading »
I’m over it. I’m over being lazy and wasting time. I’m over putting my own self and well-being dead last. I’m over waiting around for people who never show up. I’m over my fear of being happy, of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m over this self-deprecating, self-hating, self-loathing existence I’ve been enduring. … Continue reading »
“Guys just don’t get it,” he said, fidgeting in his chair. “When I tell a guy friend about my eating disorder they say, ‘Come on, dude. That’s a girl thing.’ They don’t understand, so I don’t tell them.” The person speaking was one of the two men present at the support group last Wednesday night, … Continue reading »
I stayed up all night to watch the sun come up, the light spilling across the sky as though some celestial elbow had knocked into the sun, tipping it over. It was pretty and calming; I contemplated it while I ate oatmeal with banana slices. By the time I got to my eight am class, … Continue reading »
One of the art therapists recently returned to me my folder of work from when I was on the unit, and I wanted to share some of it with you. I’ve found art therapy to be extremely helpful in processing my feelings, my goals, and my thoughts, very cathartic and calming. It’s not about the outcome … Continue reading »
My body image is terrible today; I feel awful about myself and my appearance, like I’m some sort of frumpy, pudgy lump o’ shit. Couple that with returning to the environment where I had been the most active in my behaviors, the ground zero of my eating disorder.. oy. Not a good mix. Today I … Continue reading »
I’ve reached a sort of stalemate with my mental state in recovery. I’m not particularly motivated lately: I know I don’t want to be sick anymore but I hate what my body is becoming, and I hate how I can’t look in the mirror without feeling disappointed or upset or flat-out disgusted. This weight gain … Continue reading »
I had the day off from the unit last Sunday and it was hard in a staring-at-my-plate, blinking-back-tears kind of way. It was my second day off (the first being Thursday a few days before) and it didn’t go very well. I didn’t plan my meals ahead of time, which resulted in a lot of … Continue reading »
