Real talk: I used to be kind of a bitch. Not a “Mean Girls” on-Wednesdays-we-wear-pink kind of bitch, but a subtle one: I talked some shit, gossiped, and judged. I hooked up with people’s boyfriends and trash-talked girls I found threatening. I was so insecure with myself that putting other people down was an easy … Continue reading »
“I’m so lonesome,” my heart wails, beating tiny fists against its valves. “I just want somebody to love!” “Love when you’re ready,” my brain calls down my spine. “Not when you’re lonely.” “But I’m ready now,” my heart sniffs, sinking into my rib cage with a huff. It idly kicks at another organ before growing bored, resigning itself … Continue reading »
I feel all sorts of buzzing inside my body, under my skin, vibrating my bones. It’s a good buzz; I am feeling it and feeling things are good. I have an overwhelming feeling of contentedness. I am okay, having accepted this happy buzzing. Although- there is a dark undertow of cravings and underlying urges that tug at … Continue reading »
Day 18 - Have you found a Higher Power? If so, what is it? Explain how it has helped you with your recovery. A lot of times I feel as though I don’t believe in anything but myself (and sometimes I don’t even have that) although lately I’ve felt taken care of. I don’t consider myself … Continue reading »
“You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.” – Rabindranath Tagore For me, the sea is my eating disorder, treatment is my vessel, and the opposite shore is a recovered mind. I’ve been struggling a lot recently, treading water and getting tired. It’s a riptide, this disordered thinking; it sneaks … Continue reading »
I’ve been all sorts of out of whack this past week. It’s most likely due to my lack of sleep, or poor diet, or both, but whatever it is I’ve not been feeling much like myself: a little paranoid and frantic, a little anxious; a weird mixture of being out of control of myself but … Continue reading »
You know what they say: all good things must come to an end. My latest relationship was no exception, because last night The Boy ended things. It blindsided me and I’m still pretty confused about it because it seemed to come out of nowhere. (Or maybe I’m just really oblivious.) At first, I was upset. … Continue reading »
A little over a year ago, I saw this poetry performance by an old elementary school classmate, Cormac White: I had first heard his poem a few months after I was discharged from treatment, so his theme of reclaiming life, of crawling until you walk until you run back into your dance, until you fly.. … Continue reading »
