“I’m so lonesome,” my heart wails, beating tiny fists against its valves. “I just want somebody to love!” “Love when you’re ready,” my brain calls down my spine. “Not when you’re lonely.” “But I’m ready now,” my heart sniffs, sinking into my rib cage with a huff. It idly kicks at another organ before growing bored, resigning itself … Continue reading »
Today has been one of those days where I wish I were invisible. Walking to class this morning, I kept my eyes down, not bearing to look in the faces of Everyone Else, the Ones Better Off. I wanted to apologize for my appearance, for being the way that I am. I wouldn’t have gone … Continue reading »
Hey – big news, everyone! Over the weekend, the American Psychiatric Association’s board of trustees approved the fifth edition of the DSM-V, the influential diagnostic manual of mental disorders – the bible of psychiatry. The changes will go into effect in May, marking the first time it’s been revised since the DSM-IV in 1994. This manual … Continue reading »
I feel all sorts of buzzing inside my body, under my skin, vibrating my bones. It’s a good buzz; I am feeling it and feeling things are good. I have an overwhelming feeling of contentedness. I am okay, having accepted this happy buzzing. Although- there is a dark undertow of cravings and underlying urges that tug at … Continue reading »
I’m over it. I’m over being lazy and wasting time. I’m over putting my own self and well-being dead last. I’m over waiting around for people who never show up. I’m over my fear of being happy, of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m over this self-deprecating, self-hating, self-loathing existence I’ve been enduring. … Continue reading »
I’ve written before about pro-ana websites – online communities that post “thinspiration” and tips on how to be more successful with your eating disorder – but I have never encountered pro-ana Twitter accounts. UNTIL TODAY! And let me tell you: they’re just as defensive and deluded on Twitter as they are everywhere else on the internet. … Continue reading »
Hello, hello – I’m back from the land of Facebooklessness, and I come bearing lessons. Lesson #1: There is a world outside of social networking. A big, wide world. And although this seems obvious, it’s easily forgotten. During my time without Facebook, I was standing with both feet planted on the ground. I was present. … Continue reading »
Today my therapist challenged me with the unthinkable: stay off of Facebook for five days. Five whole days – Wednesday through Sunday – without my most-used social media outlet. Five days without stalking a classmate’s brother’s girlfriend or reading anecdotes about people’s Mondays, five days without clicking through pictures of parties I missed or festivals … Continue reading »
