Today has been one of those days where I wish I were invisible. Walking to class this morning, I kept my eyes down, not bearing to look in the faces of Everyone Else, the Ones Better Off. I wanted to apologize for my appearance, for being the way that I am. I wouldn’t have gone … Continue reading »
“You never had a problem with alcohol,” a friend once scoffed. “Everyone drinks a lot in high school and college. You weren’t any different.” I’ve struggled with substance abuse for years and hearing that dismissal – from a friend, no less – made me feel invalidated and silly. I was never a drunk in the gutter, … Continue reading »
Last week started out Shitty with a capital “S,” and all because of a dumb number. I got weighed that Tuesday and it brought me down for days. I mean I knew beforehand that I had probably gained in the weeks since my last weigh-in, so I was prepared to see a little damage when … Continue reading »
“Guys just don’t get it,” he said, fidgeting in his chair. “When I tell a guy friend about my eating disorder they say, ‘Come on, dude. That’s a girl thing.’ They don’t understand, so I don’t tell them.” The person speaking was one of the two men present at the support group last Wednesday night, … Continue reading »
Sunday was the Baltimore NEDA Walk, where I walked with a group of women from treatment as well as a couple of my family members; we called ourselves StrongHer. I couldn’t be more proud of my team – we raised over $3,600 for NEDA, making us the top team in fundraising. The girls (and my … Continue reading »
I stayed up all night to watch the sun come up, the light spilling across the sky as though some celestial elbow had knocked into the sun, tipping it over. It was pretty and calming; I contemplated it while I ate oatmeal with banana slices. By the time I got to my eight am class, … Continue reading »
Wednesdays are always tense at intensive outpatient because it’s a weigh-in day. Stepping on the scale midday while fully clothed and full from breakfast and lunch is guaranteed to show some weight fluctuation – something none of us really want to see – and so everyone is distracted on Wednesdays; brooding and disappointed, the patients … Continue reading »
Last night I went to a burlesque cabaret with my sister and a couple of girlfriends and we had a blast. The dancers were awesome, the live band had us dancing in our seats, and the crowd was enthusiastic – it was a campy atmosphere with great energy, and I had a lot of fun. … Continue reading »
