It’s 3 am and I can’t sleep; instead I lie here, thinking about persons I’ve loved or at least pretended to, persons who have told me they loved me to which I laughed incredulously in reply (who could love me?).

Painting by local Baltimore artist Patricia Bennett.

I’m lonely and introspective – a bad combination when lying in the dark at three in the morning, when this sort of loneliness aches the most. I would like to find love and someone to love me, but I know that that’s the sort of thing that happens best when not sought after, so I guess I’ll continue waiting, twiddling my thumbs and pretending to look the other way.

Until then, it’s sleeping pills and warm milk to ward off these late night musings and emptiness. If someone told me they loved me now, I’d know better than to laugh.