I’ve struggled these past couple weeks, so my therapist challenged me to write an encouraging letter to myself. What seemed kind of silly at first turned out to be a helpful exercise. It’s hard to say these things – nice things – to myself, although that’s who I’ve needed to hear them from the most. … Continue reading »
I’ve reached a sort of stalemate with my mental state in recovery. I’m not particularly motivated lately: I know I don’t want to be sick anymore but I hate what my body is becoming, and I hate how I can’t look in the mirror without feeling disappointed or upset or flat-out disgusted. This weight gain … Continue reading »
Yesterday I laid on the roof and watched the planes fly overhead, and I wondered lazily about the people inside them: Where were they going? What were they thinking? Were they looking out the window, down at the rooftops, and could they see the little speck that was me? Sometimes I feel like my problems … Continue reading »
Just because I had a bad day today doesn’t mean tomorrow will be bad, too. Just because you’re upset today doesn’t mean you will have cause to be upset tomorrow. Tomorrow can be different. Continue reading »
Last week I made a big decision about the next five months of my life: instead of returning to college in Vermont this fall, I’ll be staying here, in Baltimore. I’m just not in a strong enough place in my recovery to go back there, to the environment where my self-destructiveness and anxieties really peaked. … Continue reading »
Last night I went to a burlesque cabaret with my sister and a couple of girlfriends and we had a blast. The dancers were awesome, the live band had us dancing in our seats, and the crowd was enthusiastic – it was a campy atmosphere with great energy, and I had a lot of fun. … Continue reading »
I had the day off from the unit last Sunday and it was hard in a staring-at-my-plate, blinking-back-tears kind of way. It was my second day off (the first being Thursday a few days before) and it didn’t go very well. I didn’t plan my meals ahead of time, which resulted in a lot of … Continue reading »
My mantra lately is this: Don’t let the mind bully the body. When I find myself pinching and squeezing at what I perceive to be fat: Don’t let the mind bully the body. When I feel the urge to act on symptoms of my eating disorder or to self-harm: Don’t let the mind bully the body. When I berate myself … Continue reading »
