Last night’s post was written while I was in a high emotional state, so I wasn’t really thinking about how it portrayed my parents. Yesterday triggered a fight or flight response within me, and I panicked. But truth is, I’m incredibly lucky to have them. They do sooo much for me – more than I could ever ask for – and the last thing I want is to make it sound as though they are unfair or distrusting. Their love for me is one of the main things that keeps me pushing forward, and if they believe something is going to help me get better, then I should probably trust in them.
As if I couldn’t love them enough already, here’s an email I received from my mom today:
Dear Alexa,
No one sings your praises more than Daddy and me. We are in awe of everything you’re accomplishing for yourself. We never want you to misinterpret our parental worrying for a lack of trust or belief in you. When you are a parent, you will better understand, but until then…there’s Piper. Not much of a difference really, because, like a child, she depends on you for everything. And don’t you do everything you can to keep her well-fed, clean, healthy and safe? I know you can relate to that. If there was something in your house that was making her sick, wouldn’t you find a way to keep her from it? I know this may be a trite example, but you get the gist.
It’s not a sign of failure to return to treatment. Quite the opposite. It says that you’re more educated about your ed now and you’re able to recognize when you need additional support. Please give credence to what we are saying and think about where we are coming from. Yes, you are getting treatment a few hours a week right now, but think of how much quicker you would strengthen yourself if you had a consistent, daily schedule. We want you to be as strong as you can be to benefit from all that life has in store for you.
We couldn’t help but notice how little to no food you had in the fridge. You tell me sometimes how you don’t eat much during the day and that you don’t feel well. Our eating pattern during the couple days we were there had nothing to do with your daily habits, yet you told Daddy that it triggered you and made you feel uncomfortable. That in itself should tell you that you would benefit from a more saturated program. You need to keep an open mind about this. Don’t be defensive or angry! This is a positive change, not to mention, very temporary.
There is an evening outpatient program here. It’s four hours Monday thru Thursday starting at seven. That would allow you to work somewhere during the day. Daddy said he told you we are looking for a house so you won’t have to live here. We want you to continue your independence. You, Breanna, and Piper can live together but still have your own lives. You’ll be busy, you and BB will have a lot of fun together… you’ll have your friends over, you can all cook for each other, you’ll get to decorate again—dishes, rugs, furniture, front porch stuff…think of all the friends you haven’t seen in a while…it will be a blast!!! Think about it!
Alexa, only good things can come from this for you—you’ll end up having a much more social and prosperous summer too, I bet. Summers aren’t that long anymore anyway. When you return, VT will look all fresh again and you’ll be excited to start anew.
WE LOVE YOU ALEXA!!!!!!!!!
Give Piper a kiss for us ;))
Love,
Mom xoxo
I LOVE YOU, MOM AND DAD!! xxox
so sweet and so true… i hope you consider this!
I do! It really changed the way I looked at my going home for outpatient. Now, I don’t see it as a step back but rather a strengthening of the recovery habits that are already there.
you truly have incredibly supportive and amazing parents! i’m choked up reading this
Thank you! I choked up, too. I’m so lucky to have them by my side.
xxox