Day 9 - Who do you look up to? Why?
I look up to strong intelligent females because they fight the gender bias and show that, male or female or trans or whatever you identify as, you can still kick ass and take names. I believe we live in a highly patriarchal society that puts down these exceptional people in favor of the unexceptional, and that’s absolutely criminal. The Huffington Post recently published an article titled “Female Role Models: The Absent Conversation“:
…we’re up against powerful cultural and media currents. The great post-feminist irony is that in an age of hard-won female opportunity, media is channeling that opportunity to a place of hyper-sexualized stupidity. It’s not who you are — it’s how hot you are.
Ask a young girl about the females she looks up to, and chances are good that — after family members — her list will be crowded with celebrities.
Young women at the most emotionally malleable time in their lives will naturally turn to celebrities for cues on everything from love to dress to sexuality. You don’t have to spend a lot of time wading around in the media muck to see that young females are represented by a collection ranging from sad to frightening — whose claim to celebrity is becoming a coarse side show.
Click image for larger version.
I know I’ve mentioned this before but I volunteer at a local elementary school where I am constantly seeing girls forsake the decades of fight and sacrifice by playing into these expectations of being a dumb bimbo – and they don’t even realize it. Today, a third grade girl was sent to the office for wearing a mini skirt and tall high-heeled boots. THIRD. GRADE. You can’t put all the blame on the child; someone had to buy her those clothes, someone allowed her to leave the house like that. The fact that this child – this eight year old – was dropped off at school by an adult in such inappropriate clothing is indicative of the message our culture sends to girls: to dress provocatively is not only okay but also normal and, in fact, expected.
Girls are taught through our society, culture, and media that they must be passive, submissive sex objects in order to get any sort of recognition or attention. To go against that – to be an independent, intelligent woman – is seen as threatening and therefore bitchy, unattractive, and probably (gasp!) a FEMINIST. This sends an absurdly mixed message to our girls and sets them up to fail from the get-go.
So, who do I look up to?
Women who abandon the expected societal norms of big breasts and pumped-up lips, women who serve as positive female role models, women who are celebrated for their achievements not because they are women but because they made a difference - THEY are who I look up to.
I have a 2 year old daughter and I wonder how I’m going to do right by her with all the mixed messages she receives. I just started reading “I Am An Emotional Creature” by Eve Ensler and it makes me so proud to be a woman and so scared to be raising a girl.
I’m afraid of having a girl for that very same reason.. you phrased it perfectly!
Is there a reason you can’t be an independent, intelligent woman AND overtly sexual? I resent the implication in the first image that the women in the bottom row are automatically poor role models because of how they present themselves: it refers to none of their accomplishments, but assumes we’ll all willingly participate in shaming them for their appearances alone. Sexiness vs. intelligence is a false dichotomy, and I think the best role models don’t shame women for either attribute.
I also think it’s important to note that celebrities are adults. Britney Spears, Megan Fox, et al. are grown women, and can dress skimpily if they so choose. I often think that the role model conversation implies that celebrities should stick to G-rated activities to avoid influencing young fans, with which I disagree. They are entitled to live full adult lives, complete with sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll, and kids need to understand that sometimes grown-ups do grown-up things that it’s not okay for them to emulate.
I see your point, and I agree – there is nothing wrong with a woman being sexual. It’s natural, healthy, and awesome. The main issue I have is with how the media and society neglect to portray this sexuality in a sex-positive way, and on top of that don’t promote accomplished women as readily available role models. I’m not arguing against sexually empowered women but rather against the lack of exposure and attention given to independent, intelligent women. Girls – or anyone, really – shouldn’t grow up thinking that it’s unappealing for them to speak their mind or dress a certain way.
You’re completely right in that celebrities are adults, but so are the children’s parents, and therein lies the responsibility of making the necessary distinction of what is not okay for their children to emulate. I work with children that have parents who generally aren’t too involved with them, and so the kids are following the next most available example, which is the media. I know it’s not “The Media’s” job to babysit or teach children, but I do think it shouldn’t be so saturated with women represented mostly as sex objects, or being famous simply for their appearances (ie Kardashians, Courtney Stodden, Megan Fox [let's face it: horrible actress], et al). More Tina Feys’!
I’m not a moral crusader or in favor of censorship – I just want little girls to feel like they have more of an option, more to offer than just tits and ass. Thank you for your comment – you helped me reflect more on what I had said and what it is I wanted to say.
I think the exposure is there if you look in the right places. MTV and US Weekly are never going to be arbiters of high culture; I don’t expect them to start showing grounded, intelligent women (or men) anytime soon. But that isn’t the whole culture, that’s just one particular niche. Go to Newsweek, Jezebel, Time, PBS, any bookstore. Celebrity culture may be strident, but it definitely isn’t the only culture out there. I think the shallower stuff is fine as long as it’s counterbalanced, which it seems to me to be. It’ll always grab more attention than weightier matters – that’s just human nature – but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible to find what you’re looking for.
I am by no means accusing you of this, but I think that arguments against celebrity culture veer dangerously into slut-shaming territory: “look at those stupid cocksucking bimbos.” There are few things I hate more than hearing words like that from alleged feminists.
Very true. I suppose I should have clarified and said mainstream culture. And – yes! I definitely agree. Slut-shaming or any sort of shaming just turns women against each other.
I don’t think women are obligated to support each other merely for being women – I will never support Sarah Palin, for instance – but I absolutely agree that people’s sexual expression is not up for debate.
Pingback: 17/30- Life improves in recovery | 42nd Chance
Pingback: 18/30- believing in a Higher Power in recovery | 42nd Chance
Pingback: 19/30- relinquishing control | 42nd Chance
Pingback: 20/30- me, in ten years | 42nd Chance