I’m about to say something that might sound a bit bizarre to some people, but I mean this truthfully:
If given the chance to have mental illness completely removed from my life – if I could have no depression, no anxiety, no ED – well, I don’t think I would take that chance.
Actually, I know that I wouldn’t, because the issues and challenges I’ve faced (and am still facing) are a huge part of who I am, and without them, I wouldn’t be the same person. Despite the pain and distress they cause, they’ve given me a certain depth and perspective that I feel I wouldn’t have had otherwise. My depression and eating disorder don’t define me, but they have played a large part in shaping me, for better or for worse. It’s a difficult journey that has made me stronger with each step.
I write posts when I’m depressed because I want to be honest; I want to celebrate the good days and share the bad, because if I didn’t, it wouldn’t be a true representation of what it means to live with these issues. I worry that some people read my posts about struggle and translate them as a little worrisome, but it’s my reality: I have depression, but I am okay. Some days I’m good, some days I’m bad, but I am always okay. As shitty as it can be sometimes, I wouldn’t have it any other way, because it’s the shadows that prove the sunshine.